ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize