ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
