Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
