; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
