They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
