i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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