y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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