Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
