This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
