Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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