I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
