Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
