I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
