if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My nipple is on Facebook.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
