is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
