he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
