after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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