the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
