There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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