Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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