I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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