Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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