ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
