$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
