whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
