wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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