I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
