Fuck appropriateness.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's like heaven, but drunker
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
