Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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