It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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