I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
