we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
