Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
