Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
