im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
