proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
