he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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