You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
