I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
