I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
