I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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