Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
