worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i now understand why vodka
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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