My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
