Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
