We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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