Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
