Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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