I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
high people should be assigned attendants
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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