there's paper in my vomit.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
