I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
