i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
