I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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