sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
