I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
