I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
