Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You did what with his pubic hair?
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