I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
