if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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