The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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