Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
