i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This baby is an asshole
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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