Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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