My nipple is on Facebook.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
