I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
