how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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