Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
