wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
