I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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