I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
