I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
