I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
