Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?