the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
whose parrot is this?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO