Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?

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(818): She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs? http://tfl.nu/4vl4

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(302): View more from Delaware

He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

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(302): He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!" http://tfl.nu/6j56

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(301): View more from Maryland

I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...

(443): View more from Maryland

How'd that go?

(301): View more from Maryland

Hes on his way with a baseball bat...

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(301): I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been... (443): How'd that go? (301): Hes on his way with a baseball bat... http://tfl.nu/x8jv

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(515): View more from Iowa

we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records

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(515): we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records http://tfl.nu/b40n

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(716): View more from New York

Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.

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(716): Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten. http://tfl.nu/4lci

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(661): View more from California

She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro

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(661): She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro http://tfl.nu/m8rk

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(775): View more from Nevada

she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend

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(775): she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend http://tfl.nu/wdj0

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(415): View more from California

Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.

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(415): Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league. http://tfl.nu/kjpn

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(301): View more from Maryland

thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.

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(301): thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants. http://tfl.nu/zsuu

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...

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(608): This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me... http://tfl.nu/38uj

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(614): View more from Ohio

The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?

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(614): The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/yci0

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(912): View more from Georgia

He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.

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(912): He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist. http://tfl.nu/1sb8

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(860): View more from Connecticut

When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."

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(860): When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed." http://tfl.nu/60fs

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(409): View more from Texas

My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.

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(409): My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty. http://tfl.nu/rx6s

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.

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(306): Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am. http://tfl.nu/zysn

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