yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
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is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again