U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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