This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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