That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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