90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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