I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need a beard to bite.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
