even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
