He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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