So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
