What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
