Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
