i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I touched a dick in church today
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
