Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
