OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
