I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
