Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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